Nighttime Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's top entertainers devoted their evening criticizing President Donald Trump's just launched visa initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency arrangement for the affluent.

The Late Show's Pointed Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... destroys everything he touches."

The subject was the controversial program which enables foreign nationals to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of a million dollars, with a "premium" tier for 5 million. A government portal promises processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message here to wealthy immigrants: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the scheme is also intended to "get cash" from firms wanting to hire skilled workers, requiring hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit wealthy foreigners to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll numbers during financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.